OK… Not particularly “Work Related” like my previous articles, but I think it all still plays a part across my whole life and they interact and effect each other…
There are things I struggle to put into words, but this is probably one of the biggest: just how much love I have for my child. More than I could ever explain. More than I could ever show in the way that I want to. And that’s where the challenge lies.
Being an autistic parent is not about loving any less – it’s about loving in a way that doesn’t always translate in the way the world expects. It’s about feeling everything so deeply but struggling to express it. It’s about wanting to be fully present but battling sensory overload, exhaustion, and the weight of balancing work and parenting.
Being an autistic parent is not about loving any less
This isn’t an article about having all the answers. It’s about the reality of being a dad with autism – the good, the hard, and the things I’m still figuring out.
The Love That’s Hard to Show
I’ve never questioned how much I love my child. I feel it in every part of me. But expressing it? That’s a different story.
Autism makes emotional expression complex. I feel things intensely, but sometimes those feelings don’t translate into gestures, words, or physical affection in the way I want them to. And as a parent, that’s hard – because parenting is built around the expectation of constant emotional availability.
There are moments where I want to engage more, express more, be more present in a way that matches what I feel inside. But my brain doesn’t always cooperate. Sometimes I get stuck in my own head, sometimes I retreat into logic instead of emotion, and sometimes I just don’t know how to outwardly show what’s already there.
I worry: does my child know how much I love them? Do they feel it, even when I struggle to express it?
The Collision of Sensory Overload and Parenting
Parenting is loud, unpredictable, and non-stop – which, for an autistic brain, is a brutal combination.
I thrive in structure and mental clarity, but parenting is the exact opposite. One minute, everything is calm, and the next, it’s noise, chaos, and sensory overwhelm all at once. And because sensory overload doesn’t just “switch off,” it builds throughout the day, stacking up like bricks until my brain feels completely flooded.
One minute, everything is calm, and the next, it’s noise, chaos, and sensory overwhelm all at once.
Some days, it’s manageable. Other days, it takes every ounce of energy not to shut down completely. And that’s where guilt comes in – because my child doesn’t know what sensory overload is. They don’t understand why one minute I’m engaged and the next I seem distant.
Balancing Work, Burnout, and Fatherhood
Work has always been a space where I feel in control. I plan, I structure, I execute. But when work is demanding – especially during high-pressure events and leadership transitions – the balance between work and parenting becomes a constant push and pull.
Some nights, after a full day of intense decision-making, sensory input, and problem-solving, I come home and have nothing left to give. I’m physically there, but mentally drained. I know my child wants to play, to talk, to have my full attention. And I want to give that to them – but my brain is running on empty.
And that’s when the shorter patience kicks in. The moments where exhaustion turns into frustration, where I snap quicker than I should, and where I feel horrible for reacting in ways I don’t mean to. It’s never about my child – it’s about the weight of everything else that builds up until I don’t have the capacity to regulate anymore.
And then the guilt follows. Because I know it’s not their fault. And I know they don’t understand why I can handle work so well but sometimes struggle to handle them in the way they deserve.
What I’m Learning Along the Way
I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know if I ever will. But here’s what I do know:
- My child doesn’t need me to be perfect—they just need me to be present in the ways I can be.
- Love isn’t just about how it looks—it’s about showing up in the ways that feel natural and true.
- Giving myself grace is just as important as giving it to them.
Autistic parenting is different. It comes with struggles that aren’t always obvious, and a love that’s sometimes hard to articulate. But it’s a love that’s real. A love that exists even in the quiet moments, even in the exhausted ones, even when it doesn’t fit the typical mold.
And if there’s one thing I want my child to always know, it’s this: just because I don’t always show love in the way the world expects, doesn’t mean I don’t feel it with everything I have.
Autism: Through My Eyes 