There is something I find myself coming back to whenever days like this come around, and it is not awareness in the way people often talk about it, and it is not labels or definitions either. It is something much simpler, but also much harder in practice. It is understanding.
From the outside, I probably look like I am doing fine most of the time. I can hold conversations, do my job, be present, contribute, and on the surface that can look like everything is just working as it should. But what often is not seen is how much of that comes from constantly working things out in real time, reading situations, second guessing what is expected of me, and trying to land somewhere close to what feels like the “right” way to respond. The difficulty is that “right” is never fixed. It shifts depending on the person, the environment, the tone, and even the smallest changes in how something is said.
When people rely on a general understanding of autism, whether that comes from training, awareness campaigns, or something they have read or watched, it can unintentionally miss the person standing in front of them. Because no two autistic people experience the world in the same way, and what is true for one person may not be true for another. That gap between general understanding and individual experience is where a lot of misunderstanding seems to sit.
“I do not need people to understand autism. I need them to understand me.”
In day to day situations, and especially in the workplace, things are rarely as black and white as they might appear from the outside. A reaction, a question, a way of communicating, there is usually a reason behind it. Not always obvious, not always explained, but it is there. And when that effort to understand is not made, something shifts internally in a way that is difficult to explain unless you experience it.
Part of me starts to question why I am putting so much effort into getting things right if that effort is not being met in return. There is a sense of having to carry that responsibility alone, of continuing to adapt, adjust and interpret without the same level of curiosity coming back the other way. But the reality is, I still keep doing it, because I have to function within those environments whether that understanding is there or not.
“I spend so much time trying to get it right, even when I am not sure what right actually is.”
What that often leads to is a constant sense of guessing. Guessing how to respond, how to phrase something, how to behave in a way that will be received in the way I intend. And when that guesswork replaces clarity, it does not go away once the moment has passed. It follows me afterwards in the form of replaying conversations, analysing what I said, and wondering whether I have misunderstood something or been misunderstood again.
“When I am not understood, I do not stop trying. I just become less sure of how to try.”
Days like World Autism Day or Autism Acceptance Month are often centred around raising awareness, and that does matter. But awareness on its own can only go so far if it stays general. Understanding is something different. It is slower, more personal, and it requires a willingness to move beyond assumptions and take people as individuals rather than examples of a wider category.
Because autism is not one experience, not one way of thinking, not one predictable set of behaviours. It is individual, and it is shaped by the person living it every day.
And for me, what makes the biggest difference is not someone knowing about autism, but someone choosing to understand the person in front of them, then and only then can they begin to look at the world… through my eyes.