For the first time since starting this series, I’ve needed to take a step back from writing.
Over the past couple of months, things behind the scenes have become increasingly difficult, particularly around work and the uncertainty that comes with it. While I cannot go into detail, the emotional impact of it all has affected me far more deeply than I ever expected it would.
As an autistic adult, uncertainty is not something I process lightly. My brain does not leave things alone or allow situations to quietly sit in the background. It replays conversations, analyses possibilities, searches for meaning and tries endlessly to predict outcomes so I can feel some sense of stability again. When uncertainty lasts days, it is exhausting. When it lasts months, it starts to consume you completely.
I think one of the hardest things about mental health is how invisible it can become when you are still outwardly functioning. I was still getting up, still replying to messages, still trying to present some version of normality to the outside world, but internally I was deteriorating more than I can properly describe.
Over recent months, my mental health has reached a point where my medication has increased, I have started therapy sessions and I have had to confront the reality that I am not coping nearly as well as I kept telling myself I was. There is a difference between functioning and being okay, and I think I blurred those lines for far too long.
What makes it harder to explain is that autistic burnout and mental exhaustion rarely arrive as one dramatic moment. For me, it has felt more like a slow erosion of emotional stability, confidence and energy over time. Constant pressure and prolonged uncertainty slowly turning into anxiety, exhaustion and eventually a level of emotional heaviness that started affecting every part of my life, both personally and professionally.
Writing has always been an outlet for me. A way to process experiences that are often difficult to explain out loud. But recently I have not had the emotional capacity to write with the honesty and clarity this series deserves. Rather than forcing something out for the sake of consistency, I felt it was important to pause and focus on trying to rebuild my mental health properly.
I will return to writing when I am ready. Right now, I simply need some time.
Thank you to everybody who has continued reading, supporting and connecting with these articles. Even during periods where I have felt completely isolated internally, knowing other people understand parts of these experiences has meant more than I can put into words.